There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
