Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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