omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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