God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
