Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
