i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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