I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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