wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I didn't notice because vodka
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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