im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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