The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
