My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
worst night to have a conscience
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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