I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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