He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sex in a hospital.. check
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
