So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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