i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
