hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
