Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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