how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
