she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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