i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish you could order shots online.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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