If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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