Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I just sharted jello shots
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