Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
