so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
