C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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