I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
