yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
