I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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