I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
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and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.