Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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