she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
