Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.

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(810): I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages. http://tfl.nu/0oct

Replies (4) Good night (1520) Bad night (413)
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(248): View more from Michigan

dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand

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(248): dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand http://tfl.nu/ibgr

Replies (6) Good night (2281) Bad night (408)
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(705): View more from Ontario

Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.

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(705): Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant. http://tfl.nu/28ci

Replies (2) Good night (591) Bad night (3040)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

how can getting a pizza be this hard?

(817): View more from Texas

when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible

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(504): how can getting a pizza be this hard? (817): when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible http://tfl.nu/zgw8

Replies (12) Good night (5067) Bad night (936)
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(+65): View more from

No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.

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(+65): No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car. http://tfl.nu/46mc

Replies (20) Good night (4503) Bad night (1056)
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(514): View more from Quebec

We had to coat check the pizza.

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(514): We had to coat check the pizza. http://tfl.nu/aa4o

Replies (3) Good night (3028) Bad night (1012)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.

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(215): There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am. http://tfl.nu/7bo4

Replies (5) Good night (3159) Bad night (944)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.

(773): View more from Illinois

We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?

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(708): Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning. (773): We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we? http://tfl.nu/hntu

Replies (3) Good night (1178) Bad night (864)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm off the liquor

(1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

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(403): I'm off the liquor (1-403): You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick http://tfl.nu/sglp

Replies (7) Good night (1942) Bad night (585)
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(905): View more from Ontario

I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub

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(905): I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub http://tfl.nu/k11n

Replies (4) Good night (344) Bad night (641)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.

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(312): I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men. http://tfl.nu/h4bo

Replies (7) Good night (590) Bad night (228)
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(816): View more from Missouri

It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.

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(816): It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do. http://tfl.nu/e4al

Replies (17) Good night (809) Bad night (316)
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(415): View more from California

The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.

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(415): The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle. http://tfl.nu/pzvt

Replies (1) Good night (328) Bad night (477)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.

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(501): I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool. http://tfl.nu/8mq5

Replies (6) Good night (192) Bad night (444)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad

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(413): Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad http://tfl.nu/6sd1

Replies (1) Good night (283) Bad night (460)

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