Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.