My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.