i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car