just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.