Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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