I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
