He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
