hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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