forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
