yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
