worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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