My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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