You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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