look no pants
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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