the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she pinky promised me she was 18
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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