Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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