rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
