plz talk dirty to me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
