Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
