I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
