Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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