put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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