I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
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I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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