Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
