At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
