yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
