bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
