Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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