he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
