i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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