I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
