I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
