I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In other news, I just burned my penis
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
