I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
