Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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