This girl is more easily done than said...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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