this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
