Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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