I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
