it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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