they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
