Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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