Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
