Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
