reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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