Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Less talking, more tequila
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
