Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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