i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
