Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just had sex bonerless
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
