Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
