So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
